Pop culture Politics Perversion Advice Speedmonkey.net

Details

Rate

Images

March 23rd, 2007

A jury on March 8 found Vonage had infringed three patents owned by Verizon. The jury said Vonage must pay $58 million plus 5.5 percent royalties on future sales.

Just when I thought I had moved on with these asshole companies, along comes Vonage to give me just one more kick in the nuts. I mean really, why not Cingular, Adelphia and now this new and hip company... you know the one with the lobster trying to get through the revolving door, or the husband break dancing in the background while his wife tells us how simple Vonage is, and how you can keep your own number... and how they shove that fucking Japanese jingle down your throat.

After watching all those great commercials, I decided to give Vonage a shot. I'm 36, well out of the target market for experimenting with new things... and now I've discovered why. Because by 36 you realize that everything and everyone are really the same - or they fall into 3 basic categories; none of which I know of course... Assholes, People who Don't Care and People Who Don't Care. So 2 categories. And really, people who don't care are assholes, so now we are down to one category: Assholes.

I call Vonage - I tell the lady I want to keep my phone line (in case the 3 people I know are trying to reach me) No problem sir. Hook up is easy, we'll send you the equipment all you do is take your DSL cable blah blah hook your phone line blah blah through your modem and you'll be good to go. Awesome.

I sign and mail in all the consent forms to have my phone number moved from SBC/ATT = SB&T to Vonage. 2 weeks later, the transfer finally goes through and I can now use my new improved and affordable DSL Vonage phone line. I surfing the web, talking to Mum - life is good. Then 12 hours later, 6 AM my DSL shuts off, hence my new Vonage phone line. Great, I can't call anyone. Luckily I have my cell phone... which of course doesn't do too well when you're 3 hours into it, calling both phone companies and nobody can seem to figure out why my phone and DSL aren't working.

I spoke to 3 people at Vonage, senior techs, managers, supervisors... I went through my entire crap story, verifying my name, social, billing address... listening to the ridiculous 'smart voice' ...you know the one that tries to be cutting edge and all calming...

"Okay, tell me what you want to do today, say things like, Billing or New Service"

"Hmm, I'm sorry I didn't Understand You"

...that's because I'm yelling into the mouth piece at this stupid machine to go phuck itself...

"Did you say "New Service"

No, I said your mother is a cunt...

These phucking answering machines.. designed to be friendly and help direct your call 'to the right department' (somewhere in phucking India or the Philippines) ... all they do is get you more pissed off so by the time you do get someone who answers the phone, you want to crawl inside the line and rip the rep's head off.

Hour 4, I call SB&T, George an entry level customer service rep, tells me that my number isn't working anymore because my account with them has been cancelled/closed which is why my DSL wasn't working, because I need an active phone line. VONAGE effectively closed my account with SBC when they transferred my line, something everyone completely forgot to tell me. And of course, without a phone line there's no DSL and with no DSL, VONAGE can't give you a phone line.

Why everyone at VONAGE had no idea what my problem was? Actually, the one guy who knew about my issue was the guy at the cancellation department. Strange.

So basically like time, you can't save money, you can only spend it wisely. The money I was going to save with VONAGE (roughly $25/mo.) was quickly chewed up on my time, cell phone minutes and having no phone or Internet connection for 24 hours.

Furthermore, I now had to change my phone number in order to expeditiously get a phone connection. So thanx, SB&T - yeah, they're a big brother company, but sometimes you just have to accept it and be happy or move to the jungles and give up all the luxuries of our frustrations.

Read more SM rants