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Okay, phuck all of you, I watched the entire season of "The Bachelor" this year. Why? Because I caught the first episode on a whim and couldn't stop laughing at what a retard this hick they picked to be Mr. Dreamboat was.

Then, all the usual laughs... Girls getting shit faced and stabbing each other in the back verbally before they sunk to new levels just trying to win a contest, girls crying over stupid crap, girls going off about how insanely in love they are with the bachelor when they've hung out with him once or twice in front of a camera at that point, and, of course, the rose ceremonies where the bachelor always swears that getting rid of one broad he doesn't want to bang as bad as the three he'll take on the "private dates" is "the hardest decision he's ever made in his entire life."

And this year's guy was a piece of work. He couldn't have looked more confused if you asked him to build a rocket, and this was non-stop, every date, every minute. And finally, at the end, after six weeks of having grade-A poontang thrown at him and getting his pick down to his favorite one, he still didn't choose a bride-to-be.

I am so sorry, Whatever-the-hell-your-name-is-dude, I was so busy laughing at how dumb I thought you were to even hear your name enough to remember it, but you are the smartest phucker they've ever picked to do this show.

Really, let's be honest with ourselves here -- of all these dumbass "meet your soulmate" shows they stage, the only couple that ever really got married were "Ryan and Trista," whose names we know because their entire courtship and wedding were not only televised, they were on the covers of magazines that most people have to become movie stars to get on. If anyone else had worked out, the reality TV machine would've told us about them too to keep the viewers in Fantasyland.

This guy (bachelor from last 11/07) is the only guy to take a step back and go "wait, I've known this chick for six weeks, maybe the network paying for my damn wedding isn't really a factor to take in on whether I should get married."

He made them cry, he made them sob, and he probably made a million dumbass viewers scream at the screen for what an ungrateful bastard he is.

He is a god. A legend of reality TV that is the first taste of reality this crap has shown in quite a long time. Cheers to you, oh enlightened one, and thank you for showing the American public that the image of "true love" isn't the real thing, and if the real thing does exist for you, that it doesn't necessarily come easier because your dumb ass is on the TV and famous.

The fact that he's from a red state only helps prove the point that any real American can still exercise the freedom thing if they so choose.

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