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It's no big Dr. Phil secret, but most of us are motivated by fear. No, not the fear of someone kidnapping your kid.. although nowadays that can't be discounted... but the fear of failure.

In fact, some people never try to succeed at anything because of their fear of losing everything. So, they hang around their small town, and head off to work the same way they have for 20 + years content with the knowledge that they can never fail - because they never tried.

When I finally moved out of my mother's house.. at 27, for the second time.. I was determined not to fail..again.

The first time - I moved out, I headed 6 000 miles west only to not find a job and to run out of money. I decided to get a job with Royal Caribbean International.. which would allow me to keep on running and searching "myself." It was the perfect escape, until I got fired for refusing a drug test. (Not failing one)

Sure enough I found "myself"... at my mother's house. I had failed. I tried to make it in the world of men, but I blew it.

The Second Time - After a couple of months - I decided to give it another try; I moved out.. but this time for good!!!

Once again I headed out west. I mean I had so much luck the first time. Remember, I'm no idiot.

I took the first job that was offered to me, A "Kinder Gym" class. It was only for 2 1/2 hours a day but it was better than admitting defeat.

It was a horrible job. Mother's and toddlers are awful people. Of course being a guy working with infants, I was heavily scrutinized. But I took it all with a spoon of pablum, for I was not about to go live with mom again...

Years have since passed and I still find myself living in fear. Of course living now in the US, there's a whole new fear... which doesn't help much, but I no longer feared going back home.

So how long does it take before you lose one fear (the fear of going back with mom) until the next one takes over? How long do you have to be successful at one job to feel comfortable with the knowledge that you don't have to go back to your old one?

Anyway, when I first got to LA, I was a "Foundation Inspector" I crawled under houses to inspect for earthquake damage etc.. I worked at it for a year until I found myself a great new gig... Actually, it found me.

The owner of one of the houses offered me a job. What a miracle. I no longer had to crawl under houses and was able to focus on what I do best... (which is what I'm still trying to figure it out)

Then the other day I was reminded, "If it wasn't for me you'd still be crawling under houses."

And there it is; the perpetual fear of returning to the hell you were in before.

Like an abusive spouse, "you're useless, worthelss.." You are constantly reminded of where you were before you received your good fortune. Which doesn't have to be a bad thing because it keeps you motivated.. It keeps your drive going..

But to use your past to keep beating yourself into submission is evil and hurtful.

In this world there are enablers - people who help you succeed,
and disablers - people who want you to think they are helping you but are underlying their actions with subtle abuse..

Sometimes it's hard to tell who's who.. so keep this in mind, you can dress a monkey in a silk suit but he's still a monkey. Someone may act as if they are helping you, but with every day that passes they chip away at your self esteem...

It's up to you to finally believe in yourself and your own talents.. so that one day when you go back and see mom, you'll know it's only for a visit.

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