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So my buddy is having a baby and he can't shut up about it.  Actually, my buddy isn't having the baby, his wife is.  The day a man has to go through the same bullshit as a woman does, is the day he can claim, 'we're pregnant’ Oh really buddy, do you wake up puking in the morning?  Does your ass itch from the massive hemorrhoids that have taken residence in your ass?  Then stop saying 'we're having a baby'.

Anyway, good for his happy ass.  He loves telling me how I have no idea the joy and the miracle of experiencing something so wondrous, a true miracle...mainly because I'm a bitter barren, curmudgeon.  Yeah, I long for the day of 2 hour sleeps and shit stained walls...I can't wait for the day a snotty faced kid who happens to look like me tells me he hates me after I bought him the wrong color bike, then pisses his pants while he kicks and screams in the middle of a department store.  Please, sign me up!! 

I don't have the heart to tell him, that even dogs give birth and what he and his wife are going through is really no big phucking deal and to get over themselves.  In fact before I finish writing this, 120 women in Africa will have squatted behind a tree dropping out litter of their own.  Who needs Cedar Sinai? 

Where was I...oh yeah, the day he tells me about this miracle he also tells me the sex and the name of the kid...WTF?! 

Here's the thing, there are so few secrets left in this world.  Science has the uncanny ability of destroying all of our childhood fantasies.  It exposes everything leaving little for our imagination and wonder.  So why then would you want to know the sex of your kid?  The main reason, "I want to know what color to paint the room."  Really?  Does it really matters to an infant if the color of their walls is blue or yellow...Sure we like to prepare, maybe buy a few clothes the crib etc.  But who cares.  A crib is a crib.  As long as it is safe blah blah...I'm just saying, we have so few surprises left...let the sex of your newborn be one of them. 

And deciding on their name before you even see what kind of personality they have?  At least pick a few names you like, then after it pops out then decide on the name.  Why be so linear.  What if the kid doesn't look like the name?  Well, as long as the kid doesn't look like me, who cares.

Phuck..my dog just shit on the floor, be right back...

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