Pop culture Politics Perversion Advice Speedmonkey.net

Details

Rate

Images

I saw a new DVD cover on the front shelf of my local video shop -- a cover with a horse's face, and in the reflection of its eye was a naked dude. Naturally, this was the creepiest image within plain view (other than the cover for "Just My Luck" -- I know it's meant for teenage girls, and I'm quite sure anyone who bangs Lindsay Lohan at this point will die a much slower and graphic death than the horse guy did), so I checked the back -- sure enough, it was about exactly what the image suggested.

"Zoos", zoolofiles (yes, they even have a nickname for it it's so common) are people who like to have sex with animals, and this is a documentary about them. I pondered the thought of being that guy who rented the horse-fucker new release and (well, YEAH!) got my wallet ready. Lo and behold, this flick wasn't disturbing because it was about guys who molest and get ass-happy themselves with big horseys, it was distrubing because it was a flick about those guys that injected its constant keyboard synthesizer background like some gothic "Miami Vice" episode and a bunch of other crap like that to TRY and be disturbing, then went ahead to try and say something -- that, hey, these are people too............ (moment of silence)............. (let's keep quiet a bit longer)......

Ahem. So, yeah. The horse phuckers are people too. As are child fuckers, good old fashioned plain woman rapists, guys who welcome new guys in prison with "the soap trick," and every other sick phuck we've heard cry by now about how hard it is to be in a position where just because you get off on doing something that psychologically screws another living being for life, everyone thinks you must be the weird one and pushes their laws on you.

It's kinda like that whole "South Park" episode that so gloriously spat in the face of NAMBLA (the National Man-Boy Love Association). "Dude... You have SEX with CHILDREN." Nobody's calling themselves perfect here, pal, but here's the thing about it: No, horses can't talk, so maybe we truly don't have proof that they're not saying everything the horsey voice in your brain is when responding to your "I love you's" with "pltpltplp." Either way, we don't have proof that they like being sexually toyed with either, nor do we have proof that there's such a thing as "good" or "evil." But let's knock the philosophy off a moment and ask ourselves, really -- If we were all horses, would we feel maybe a tad violated if someone was taking our natural need to procreate and using it to make porn videos of us sticking our penises in them?

I mean, hey man, I'm cool with the racing bit and letting you put a saddle on me whenever you want, you do give me food and a nice place to crash when it's all rainy outside, but shit man. Really? (out of horse mode now) I think where the world may finally come to a line in the sand on all this "humanizing" it feels it needs to do (as it is indeed important to humanize every damn last one of us, even Hitler, as his very own point of view lacked the humanizing of some people there, and just dismissing lame people as "inhuman" is "irresponsible") is at the point where the thinking turns into the doing.

I say let the child fuckers, the horse fuckers, all those guys, yes, ALL OF THEM, have those websites that have stirred so much controversy, the computer graphic cartoons of people banging kiddies and horses and cabbages and anything-or-one else they need to get their rocks off and not be as pent-up as maybe they would be -- THEY'RE PHUCKING CARTOONS, PEOPLE. Maybe it IS a bit much for the "moral" majority to say someone isn't even allowed to think certain things. Thinking is thinking, and doing is doing, and where those two meet is the line. If a man is convicted or raping a child and says he was born this way, OKAY, maybe he was born with something in his brain that kept him not only attracted to the same girl he had a thing for in pre-school, but the pre-school stage of her too. Whatever. Just like people are finally getting that maybe gay people didn't make some anti-Jesus "choice," it's not impossible in the least that neither did the horse-fuckers.

But the thing about the gay folk (who are banging other consenting adults) is that IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO. When a guy who thinks of taking a child or horse or ANYONE in a force the person (or horse) can't stop (whether it be due to lack of physical will or mental comprehension) and ACTS ON IT... ahem. You crossed a quite important line, Bub. No sad, sad, sad story from you now. Whether there's such a place or not, you know what we mean when folks tell you "Go to hell." I also heard once about a guy who thought of killing his office boss. He liked the idea, even justified it in his mind, then went "Hey, wait a second, they can still put me in jail because if I just took everything I wanted by force and just went unpunished, I may end up ruining a lot of shit," so he didn't. This person does not exist, I made him up to try and prove a point. But I'm sure he's out there somewhere. You hear that, Horsephucker?
 
(no bongs, no horseys)

Read more movie reviews

Name
Email
Comment