Starring the kid from "3rd Rock," the chick from "Wedding Crashers," some new pretty boy they got to play the bad guy, and Jeff Daniels, this is a bank robbery movie.

Did we really need to see another phucking bank robbery movie? Written and directed by Scott Frank, a screenwriter making his directorial debut, "The Lookout" starts off as something that just might hold your attention and ends up looking more like a student screenplay being acted out than a student film -- oh, wait, it's playing in a movie theater and they're charging money for it -- this isn't a student film -- give me my money back, you bastards.

 

Chris Pratt (played by "3rd Rock" kid) is a spoiled little shit who crashes his parent-bought car in the beginning and kills a few friends while driving recklessly in the night. His own tragedy is some brain damage, but he isn't operating a wheelchair with a straw or anything, he's just forgetful. One wants to empathize with him, but his level of bitching reminds us more of how rich and spoiled he is rather than that he was ever in an accident. Can we focus a little more on the people you killed, Chris, the things that haunt you, etc., rather than your flashbacks of when you were better at hockey? Guess not, because the bad guy, posing as a new friend, talks Chris into helping him rob the bank he mops floors at in a matter of minutes, convincing Chris quite easily that this is his only chance to start a better life for himself. While on the fence about the whole thing enough to remind us that he's not "like them," Chris helps the bank robbers (one of which is a man named "Bone") take down the easiest bank ever built. Things go haywire when the small town's moron night deputy breezes by and takes a break from his usual routine of eating donuts with Chris and mentioning his new baby girl (so we'll feel bad for him if he dies) to whip out his gun and waste the whole crew of bank robbers like Dirty Harry on crack, leaving only Bone, the pretty bad guy, and Chris to haggle over the booty when Chris escapes in the car with the big score in the trunk. Okay, let's stop. Have we seen this movie before?

Yes, my children, we have, and so many times that the list of titles isn't even worth writing down. This is old, stale crap. Whatever. The bad guys kidnap Jeff Daniels, Chris' blind roommate, so Chris has to work against his forgetfulness to somehow outsmart the pretty bad guy and Bone.

How he ends up dealing with this nail-biting dilemna is so "well, of course" that you almost hope there's another stupid twist coming at the end for the sake of keeping this from being the blandest movie playing in the multiplex full of other gobs of Hollywood crap you could've been watching. It's one of those flicks where you could swear to God it was only 45 minutes long by the time it's over, which can often be a good thing, but in the case of "The Lookout" only reminds you how little just happened throughout this whole story.

 

It may have even been interesting to see a movie just about how Chris learns to forgive himself and deserve a second chance after killing two kids and crippling another in his dumbass accident, but it seems Scott Frank didn't wanna tap into any difficult issues with his first sit in the director's chair. Maybe he thought he did, as there's a mention in the end that Chris will now learn how to (forgive himself), seeing as how he's won the trust and respect of his peers for simply returning the money to the bank (that's kinda sorta like being called a genius for admitting you cheated on your SATs), but the end result equals one simple, simple, simple term -- "cop-out." It's one of those movies that's all good if you're ridiculously hung over and don't feel like anything stressful or memorable for your DVD viewing pleasure, for it isn't annoyingly or laughably bad, it's just plain old there.

While I'm sure Scott Frank is very proud of himself and getting a nice verbal cocksucking from his Hollywood peers for taking the big chance and directing his own film after making millions and having already been accepted into the studio system, the audience member may be disappointed here.

In short, the only people who remember this movie a year from now will be those who worked on the set or friends of the director.  This isn't exactly one of those flicks you quote on the right occasion. Or talk about over coffee. Or ever see again in your entire life.

 

(two bongs)