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Bored with "Land of the Dead," I looked around the hall an checke my options -- "Revenge of the Shitass Garbage," "Lords of Dogtown," and "Mr. and Mrs." "Lords" had already started. I snuck into Hollywood's ultimate trap.

They just don't make 'em cutesier. This is the cutest, most cutesiest, cuddliest, cutesy-bootsy-fa-footsie hit man movie yet. Ooh, I'm sorry, hit PERSON. Don't want to be crude to a world where Angelina has her own office full of bad hot chicks who help her in killing the bad guys. Aside from the expected silly-ass 80's crap flicks like this come with (they're the best killers in the world, but they can't hit each other with machine guns at point blank range, when something blows up they fly a few feet in the air and land with a sexy scratch on their face, it doesn't hurt as long as you're only shot in the leg or arm, etc.), this is plain moronic.

I'd say it's "fun," but let's not forget this shit costs money. It's nice to know at least ol' Angelina is out adopting third world children and saving the poor everywhere outside of America, because this phucker cost a pretty penny to make, and is only promoting the shallow-ass crap that America seems to be hated for everywhere while preaching a fake message. A pair of married assassins, both of whom have been called the "most beautiful people in the world" by People Magazine, find out each other's secret identity and decide to kill each other, than decide to take on the world instead. By the end, after an admittedly cool car chase and the shooting of countless nameless government guys in SWAT-like uniforms (as long as they're in a uniform with a mask, there's no way they could be a person with a family and children of their own who are just doing their job), I guess the world is dead, because the coast is so clear that they're back in their marriage counselor's office right here in America, the country which has the government that ordered both of them dead. Oops, did I spoil the ending? Don't worry, if you really think for one second that either Brad Pitt of Angelina Jolie (both playing sexy movie stars with cool guns) is in any kind of danger at any point in the film, you don't deserve to live anyway.

Full of one-liners that everyone must have been looking at as "that's gonna sound so stylin' on the preview!" and not one shred of human conversation, "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" invited us to see the humor of how wacky it is that action is going on while a romantic song plays... over... and over... and over... oh, what a great scene it should have been the first time. The moral is spelled out with insulting clarity, that marriage may be hard, but you've got to stick it out and just fight. Funny, watching the screen to see those lines delivered by two divorcee actors, lines which were, may I add, clearly written by some jackoff who's never been married but thought that "True Lies" was cool and hopefully not remembered at all by anyone who's paying to watch this crap. Director Doug Liman once produced "Swingers," a modern cult classic which stylishly rips on the Hollywood scene. Congratulations, Doug. You are now the prom king of the Hollywood scene. Heartless worm.

(one bong for the fact that guy, girl, gay or straight, at least everyone has someone to fantasize to as they zone out)

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