Aside from the fact that Peter Jackson is unable to direct human actors enough to turn certain moments that come off as kooky into genuine, HOLY MOTHERPHUCKING SHITBALLS!!!!!! THIS MOVIE IS THE REASON MOVIES ARE STILL SHOWN ON BIG SCREENS.

What Jackson and his team DO accomplish outweighs the hell out of any shortcoming you may find (like the first 45 minutes).

I won't spoil the plot, I won't bother telling you a damn thing, if anyone reading this has been reading my rants a while, you know how much I came close to falling asleep in all three "Lord of the Rings" installments. The humanization of a CGI ape here is simply phenomenal -- you laugh, smile, and get pissed as hell with the hero, who happens to be a phucking cartoon. Never in my entire movie-obsessed life have I been so captivated by a battle between two characters that don't exist (referring to the already-made-famous-by-the-posters duel of gorilla vs. tyrannosaur).

While they could have used some better direction for the emotional stuff (sorry, Pete, still giving you mad props for this one), Naomi Watts, Jack Black, and Adrien Brody bring this flick just high enough to the level it needs to be for us to give a rat's ass whether they live or die, which is all an actor needs to do in a flick where death shoots from every damn corner like lightning in the form of worst-phucking-way-to-die-ever. Once they hit the island, forget it. Nothing you have ever seen in a movie can prepare you for how phucking cool it gets. It's a rare case where the magic of filmmaking (the cinematographer and all editors etc. here need their own round of applause) can make you actually feel suspense when a character you KNOW isn't gonna die at this particular point is in danger.

This is not only the blockbuster of the year, but a wonderful reminder as to why blockbusters deserve to exist in this age of disgusting, overbudgeted crap thrown onto the screen to sell toys and nothing more. Apparently, Jackson was inspired to be a filmmaker once he saw the 1933 original of "King Kong." Well, Pete, time to retire. Please, Pete. Don't do the phucking "Hobbit" after "KING KONG," I'll throw up. Really. I'll find you and drive to your house to throw up on you. "KING KONG" is too damn cool. I... I feel like a giddy schoolboy! So "cool." It was more than cool, Pete, it was RAD. It was AWESOME. It was phucking BODACIOUS and TUBULAR. Hey kids -- GO SEE IT. And make sure to piss BEFORE the movie (or at least before they get to the island, roughly 45 minutes into the 3 hours), YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS A THING. In fact, I found myself having to piss an hour into it, and I refused. No one could have paid me double my admission (well, free in my case, buy hey, I would have paid) to go take a piss. That should say something.

(no bongs, this is beyond bongs -- if you require weed to be blown away by this one, congratulations, you're a drug addict).