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KILL BILL (AND BOB, AND JOE, AND SALLY)

Uma Thurman kills pretty much everyone she talks to in this cartoonish escape flick that solidifies Quentin Tarantino as a guy who can still find his own pop culture to steal from after an entire decade of wannabe dorks all stealing from HIM.

Managing to steer clear of all his style that has been imitated to death by now (bad guys who always have something incredibly witty and/or unabashedly racist to say in the process of a ten-minute monologue), Tarantino sticks to his guns by keeping what really made him famous, his talent as a filmmaker.

"Kill Bill: Volume 1" may not revolutionize movies in general as "Pulp Fiction" did, but it entertains just fine.
The story is about as simple as it gets -- Uma Thurman used to be a badass in a hipster assassin group, then she turned nice and tried to get married and start a new life, so they killed her and her husband and her unborn baby at the wedding, now she's out for revenge. Yep. No one's looking for a deeper meaning here. This is truly "pulp fiction." Hence, no one can ask for any moral, character arc, or gripping emotional involvement here. What can be expected is some kick-ass action and a few laughs, which is exactly what gets delivered.

Slightly disappointing is the lack of Michael Madsen and David Carradine, so don't expect to see them do any throwing down until the second installment (this film was supposed to be a 3-hour action epic, but got cut into two volumes instead). The fact that this is introduced to us as "Volume 1" takes a bit of ending out of the picture, seeing as how we know from the beginning that our hero will surely make it into the next movie, but Tarantino's cokeheaded thought process ends up making sure we skip around in time enough to forget who the hell the hero was to begin with.

Kung Fu movie icon Sonny Chiba (playing a retired swordmaker who must take up his profession again for one last enemy (so pimp)) steals the show for a while in the middle anyway. This volume deals mainly with the search and destroy mission of O-Ren Ishii (Lucy Liu), who is pronounced dead in the first ten minutes of screen time by way of crossed-out name on The Bride's "people to kill" list in order to keep anyone from dying of suspense.

What, would one ask, is the damn point if we already know the ending? The point is the senselessness of it all, for no one does senseless better than Tarantino. That's what these whiny bitches who call themselves critics and concerned parents fail to realize when they dog this film for being so "bloody" and "violent." This is a cartoon with real people in it (except for one section, which should push that point across just fine for any moron who sees the movie and still doesn't get it).

Yes, limbs and heads are chopped off, but the geysers of blood that are being pointed out by these PC pussies are so overdone and phony (just like the old Kung Fu flicks) that it plays like comedy. People tend to forget that it wasn't too long ago when the governor of California was starring in "Total Recall," a movie with a much bigger body count that had quite realistic-looking arms and legs getting ripped out of the sockets.

"Kill Bill: Volume 1" is not a flick for granny and the children, but that's what it is, a flick. This is a work of filmmaking that did not set out to be a Best Picture, a film, or even a movie -- it's a flick, and a fun one. Don't like violence? Then use your phucking head and don't go into a movie with a title like "KILL (prematurely end the life of) BILL (a person)." Otherwise, enjoy the ride.

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