A movie about a dead 14-year-old prostitute's diary leading a commonplace nurse to the Russian mob isn't likely meant to be snappy or fun, but at least this one stays true to form. Naomi Watts (the nurse, doctor, something medical) is the one who delivers the young Russian girl's baby, losing the girl and saving the kid (oh, and finding the chick's diary about the kid being the product of a rape that a Russian mobster did).

The rape stuff is uncovered when Naomi (forgot her character's name, rape me and sue me) gets the Russian diary translated by Armin-Muehler Stahl, playing a Russian creep who turns out to be a Russian mob boss. His son is involved in the diary's dark story, giving him a conflict of interest when it comes to taking the diary to the cops.

Viggo Mortensen plays his son's driver (or is he just a plain old driver?) who happens to be quite an expert in other bad behavior other than extreme driving and, while loyal to his boss, seems to want to pursue a higher rank than his own.

When Naomi shows up though, hints of his humanity pop up, and Viggo's (we're calling him Viggo, I can't remember these damn Russian names) hidden colors start showing. Will they show enough to get him in trouble with his pals? Will he keep the mob from going after the baby and Naomi? Does a naked Viggo fighting two big dudes in a steam bath turn you on? If you're curious about any of this, go check out "Eastern Promises."

While it may start off quite slowly and contain some dialogue that's a tad the-audience-needs-to-know-this-now-so-hey-let's-talk-about-it, it does prove director David Cronenberg isn't actually from a whole 'nother planet with its solid humanity (sorry to anyone who saw a shred of anything resembling a real life situation or even emotional motive in any small moment of the accidentally-hilarious-and-yet-somehow-largely-overrated-by-quite-a-few-suckers "A History of Violence").

While there isn't a huge sense of closure in the film's conclusion, its last moment (while arguably cliche) gives a depth to the "honor" that mob retards and other jerkoffs who live off other people's misery and failure think they live by and just don't. Viggo Mortensen has always been a great actor, but he had to get his break playing a fairytale hero with no inner conflict other than "Gee, I sure hope I can protect Frodo," then only got to spread his wings enough to show a two-dimensional character in "Violence." Here, the man finally gets to show off his shit. And what great shit it is.
 
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