This one got mixed reviews, and it's easy to see why, but it is worth watching. First off, no matter how much you hate any of the pretty boys they casted as thugs in here, they were all brilliant. Second off, the casting itself was brilliant, because that's exactly what this flick is about, pretty little whitebread suburban boys who have no business being thugs.

It's so perfect that one of their friends in here is Mexican -- you can just flash back yourself to the moment where they each made friends with this Mexican and felt this surge of maleness in their little white suburban bones that said "Cool. I have a Mexican friend now."

 

Alpha Dog is the story of Jesse "True Love" (Emile Hirsch, who has this thing about bringing his talent to every role) and his band of retards (headed with magnificent grace by, yes, Justin phucking Timberlake) who deal weed in the San Gabriel Valley of California, one of those places where young white retards spend actual serious time mimicking the young black retards they watch the rap videos of.

Somewhere in between, they garner the balls to refer to blacks as niggers and call the guys in the videos wannabes (because, they, themselves are dealing weed and owning guns). In Jesse's case, this is taken to the extreme, and when a speedfreak Jewish skinhead (played, again, perfectly by Ben Foster... yes, the gay angel from X-Men 3) ends up owing him $800, Jesse nabs the guy's wandering kid brother to hold for ransom.

 

While it's easier than hell to lose all sympathy for Jesse, especially seeing as how this is a true story with a tragic outcome, Hirsch (and a careful-enough script) makes sure to show every gray area of the character, just like the movie shows every gray area of the case. While Jesse "True Love" (what a jerkoff) is a piece of shit who will hopefully understand that he had it coming before every ass-raping and/or beating he takes in his life from now on, one has to sympathize big time with someone who finds themselves in a predicament that makes them think "Wow, this was a stupid idea, and boy am I in over my motherphucking head, please somebody get me out of this and make sure no one gets hurt." This is largely due to a cast that is made up of what could be called the anti-"American Pie" cast, a lot of youngsters that are showing actual talent in not only this film, but seemingly every other project each of them has been involved in so far (there are too many names, you'll recognize the faces).

As the story unfolds all the way to its very "unfolded" conclusion, one can't help but want to gather these kids up and say "Have we all learned our lesson now? Are we EVER gonna do something like this again?" The reason this particular story needed telling is not only to show rich white kids how phucking stupid they look trying to be the bastard children of NWA, but to show EVERY kid how stupid they look trying to be the bastard child of NWA (and if not NWA, whatever "alpha dog" you're trying to live up to -- there's teenage angst, and then there's remaining a phucking teenager for the rest of your life).

Every "alpha dog" in this sad story is to blame for the outcome. An interesting scene is where the kidnapper (Hirsch) calls the abducted's older brother (Foster) to straighten things out. Both make such a point of making sure they're playing Mr. Hardass before really straightening things out, it's almost fair to say that (at least in the film's take on the whole story) they both were equally at fault for things ending so badly. "Boyz N The Hood" was here to try and stop inner-city youth from falling into the traps of their lesser-brained neighbors, and "Alpha Dog" is now here to try and stop suburban kids from falling into the trap of watching "Boyz N The Hood" too much and thinking it has dick to do with them.

 

In the end, this one's a good rental. Not one for the books, but a good story with good performances and enough to keep your attention for 1 hr 58 mins.  What more do your reeeally need?

 

(four bongs)

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