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'Oh, It's You...'

You try to cover up your disappoinment, but your mom can tell from the sound of your voice...

You go on to explain that you've been waiting for 'her' to call and everytime the phone rings, your heart jumps and as you reach to grab the receiver, you're telling yourself, 'it's not going to be her' ... but you're really hoping it is. And sure enough, it's not.. it's your mom calling to chat!!!

You try best as you can to build your defenses up. You play those dumb games in your head.. like if you're throwing sometihing in the trash, standing at a distance from the bin you say, 'okay, if I make this, she's going to call...'

And of course by days end you've forgotten about the game, so you never remember the outcome.. oh wait yes you do.. she still didn't call. Stupid games.

This goes on through the rest of the day and week, until it starts to fade, or you hope it does anyway. The longest minutes take place when you are waiting for the phone to ring.

What do you do to get over it? Think of all the other people in the world who have lost loved ones. Think of your parents who may be divorced. They got through it and it was much worse for them, you don't have kids.

I also think of her banging 'the other guy' I think of myself leaving these stupid blubbering messages (which I'm proud to say only lastest the span of a day and a half) and them, listening to the message as his smacking her ass, laughing at me. Is it really happening, probably not, but the thought is like a cold glass of water in your face.

You have to pick a mantra and keep repeating it to yourself. Mine at the moment is, 'she's seeing someone else, she doesn't want to talk to you anymore'. As much as it hurts, it's the truth. And everytime I go to text her, I take a deep breath. And sure enough, I feel so much better for not having gone through with it...

You can try the 'phucking bitch' mantra, but if you really don't feel that way, then it won't help. Just be honest with yourself. At this point it becomes a mathematical equation of TIME. I never did pass functions, or physics or really anything else that involved numbers and letters, but I am learning.

Have conversations in your head with her. Surprisingly, after a while, you'll really think you did have those conversations and as you slip further into oblivion, you start to feel a bit better.

I'll make sure to let you know how it goes...

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