"I just want a someone who'll take me to dinner and bang me..."

Simply enough right? Well, apparently not. Not if you're an insecure monkey. The following is a sad tale of how SM blew a sure thing.

My buddy had over heard a co-woker tell her friend that she just wants a guy who'll 'bang' her. Being the good friend he is, he turned around, looked at her and said, "I know just the guy."

He knew that I was going through a shitty time and needed to get back on my feet. What better way than setting me up with a cute 20 something year old party girl?!

We got to chatting, laughed a bit over the phone and made a lunch date. I picked her up - smokin' body, great style and she smelled great. Mind you, I had just come out of my cave where I had been wallowing in misery for 6 months, so any scent other than my own bile smelled good.

Lunch went well so we decided to get together the following Friday night at my place. She brought over 2 bottles of wine which we quickly started to drink.

She then told me she needed to use my computer for 10 minutes to look for a new place to live. Sure, no problem...

An hour later, I'm trying to contain my frustration. This chick comes over on a Friday night with 2 bottles of wine and she sits at my computer for an hour???

She finally finishes her task and sits herself beside me on the couch. Now when I say 'beside me,' I mean, one cushion over. We're at opposite ends of the couch with absolutely no connection or anything happening. I'm looking for a bit of body language or something... but she just sits there. So I finally decide to lean over and kiss her. (Phuck this is painful even as I write it) She kisses me but there's nothing to it. It's as if she were in a coma. I return to my position on the couch and continue to watch, MONK. Yes, that's how exciting an evening it was - we were watching Tony Shalhoub on TV.

About ten minutes later, she gets up tells me she has to wake up early then leaves. I never heard from her again.

So what have we learned? Don't let a chick near your computer?... good, good, what else...? Don't be an insecure dweeb? Excellent answer!!

You see if my buddy had come over there would have been no issue with him (or her) using my computer and/or just chillin' watching TV or whatever. But as soon as the sexual element comes into it, our rationale becomes useless.

I got too caught up in the fact that she brought over 2 bottles of wine and was wearing a low cut tank top. I got too caught up in thinking about how I'm going to get her naked. I thought I was being taken advantage of... how dare she come over, brush me aside and use my computer for an hour... I got too mopy and clingy. Because of what she was wearing and the fact she brought over some booze, I tried to make up for the fact that she had just ignored me for the last hour. I moved in 'for the kill' when I knew all along that I shouldn't have. Had I just allowed her to do what she needed to do, then say goodnight without encroaching on her, this pathetic story would have never been written.

Basically, I didn't practice what I've been preaching. Calm down, don't panic and wait for it... My insecurity 'made' me do the opposite... I was needy and rushed. Damn you insecurity!!!