This dude from New York sent me this email:

Though my mom tells me differently, I've got the worst luck with women.  Once this hot, hot...smoking hot neighbor of mine invited me up to her place for a few drinks.  I mean, she was hot "with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you." So I decided to take her up on the offer and went up to her place. 

We drank a bit, smoked a bit - then she shows me around her place, shows me her walk in closet.  I make my move and she responds...sort of.  She gives me a peck on the lips then moves in for a close body hug.  I mean, WTF.  She tells me that we should be friends?  Uhhh...don't friends typically go out for dinner...wait, friends?  What, are we 12?  What woman invites a man up to her apartment for drinks only to be friends?  Whatever. 

I recovered and poured myself another glass of wine.  That's when I sat down and noticed that she bought a new TV and it was still in the box.  I said, "hey you got a new TV" to which she replied, "Thanx, I was wondering if you could help me set it up."

Mind you, I have a mustache and I smoke, so maybe I reminded her of Schneider?  Can you believe that?  I thought she was going to go down on me 10 minutes after walking through the door, but instead, I'm the one doing the handiwork.