There is no book nor scholar that can successfully prepare you for the Jedi mind games that you'll end up having to play throughout your life with the opposite sex. So with that in mind, we like to stick to the more meaningful physical advice.

Nobody has a sure fire solution on picking up chicks. That's the beauty of women.

Every approach has to be different. Women can sense a routine.

It's your first date, you're making out on the couch. You're thinking to yourself, "how the phuck am I going to make the, "couch -to- bed transition?"

She already brushed your hand away when you tried to grab her tit the first time, but there's no way you plan on stopping now. But how? Kobe is still fresh in your mind.

Don't ever be forceful and always be respectful...that is until you know she's cool then, you can stick your tongue in her ass before she can pronounce your last name.

Anyway, back to the couch... Lay down, but not on her. Lay down beside her. This makes for easier access. Make sure your good arm is free. You don't want to end up laying on it making it obvious as you start shifting around trying to get it free. We're working with the element of surprise.

If necessary, go the extra step and mask yourself in camouflage...

Start grinding with her. Press up against her. Get her to respond. No sudden movements. We're hunting Wabbits... Start grabbing her ass. Then start rubbing her back under her shirt. Dude, take your time.

Your kissing her, pulling her hair a bit and kissing her neck. She's wet. No doubt about it. At this point try her tits again. Never mind taking her Bra off. Too distracting. Too many ribbons and bows to play with. So again, gently brush your hand over the front of her bra (her boobs - for you freshmen) If she doesn't let you go there...again, Don't.

Start rubbing her crotch. Nicely. Is she wearing button fly? A belt? All these details you should have noticed when you picked her up four hours ago.

Now the choice must be made. Do you go for the crotch? But of course. You are male. Again, don't bother with the belts and the buckles. It's like trip wire.

At this point, you need to make sure you are not wearing a ring, a watch or even a bracelet. Take everything off that may potentially get caught on the rim of her pants or panties.

If a ring gets stuck on the rim of her pants , it's like shaking somebody out of a deep sleep. She'll snap out of it and it's game over. You must get down there quickly and smoothly.

If you can get to her lips, get your nicely washed and clean fingers in there and gently grab hold of that little man in the canoe with the inside of your index and middle finger. Remember - circular. Everything circular. At this point, she's not really good at saying, "no."

If she lets you paddle a bit, you can start whispering to her what you'd like to do to her. If she's receptive, then moving to your room won't be a problem. In fact, she'll probably suggest it.

If you're going to make it a one night stand, make sure to do the craziest shit ever. Stick and lick everywhere and everything. You never want her to forget you. But remember, wrap it up and NO means NO.