Pop culture Politics Perversion Advice Speedmonkey.net

Details

Rate

Images

Back in the 80's, flaccid and skinny men around the world developed what is now known as "the arm flex."

This quasi, involuntary move was designed to give women who rubbed up against you the illusion of strength and muscle. Who knew it was obvious...


I mean what better way to impress a girl? Who needs to go to the gym, stack pills, pound down protein drinks and worry about your bench press when all you have to do is, flex your arm every time she brushes past you to get to the bar...

The minute she touches your elbow your body goes into involuntary shock and you begin your rigormortis metamorphosis.

Somehow you plan on inflating your 12" bicep to a whopping 16" python just in time for her to realize that she should dump her lame ass Olympiad of a boyfriend and take up with a real alpha male...

Well, save yourself a pulled muscle. No amount of flexing or silver back gorilla behavior will impress her. You're always obvious.

Though it may not seem pathetic to you as you are sucking in your gut, holding your breath and flexing your arms...it becomes painfully sad to her as she sees your face turn two shades of red and a pale blue...

This is not, "Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom..." so save the peacock dance and other primate rituals for your bedroom where in about an hour you'll find yourself hard at work pulling your muscle!

Don't flex, it hurts more when you fall.

Read more male dating advice

Name
Email
Comment