Welcome To Dating 101 - Rookie Season

Attention all computer geeks, pinball wizards, emotionally unstable wrecks and any other persons who rarely, if ever go on a date. (Yes this includes you who have had your heart crushed like the pulp of newly squeezed orange). Get off your ass!

Dating is regarded as the primary courting ritual in the world today. But what the hell is it? Honestly I don't have a clue. I recently just went on one. And I still don't have a clue. But whatever happened, it was great….

Here's The Scoop. About a year ago, I ended a 4 year, near marriage relationship. Naturally I need to give myself time to heal. At first I figured 4 months would be a good time (yeah, like you can plan these things!) After 2 months of emotional hell, I realized 6 months was a little optimistic. Here I am a year later, fully healed; yet still single, and not dating. Perhaps it's the fact that I sit, hovered over a computer, working, day in and day out, or maybe it's the fact that I haven't met someone worth dating.

Recently, through a friend, I was introduced to an absolutely stunning woman. Wow, I was flabbergasted. She was intoxicatingly beautiful, had an amazing intelligence (from what I could ascertain from the very brief conversation). I wanted to know her.

I found she was possibly interested in getting to know me.

Key Point #1. Make contact. Send her an email, a letter, phone her, just don't stand there, DO something. Remember no matter what you say to her, it's all going to come out wrong. You WILL look like a blabbering idiot. Just accept it. If your lucky she may find it amusing and give you pity points. Let's just face it guys. If we really are interested in someone our brains turn to raspberry jam, let's just hope she finds it sweet.

Now technically, I didn't ask her on a date, she asked me. I merely mentioned I hadn't been on one in 4 years. Ok, if your lucky enough to have her suggest it, then 100 points to you and a get out of Jail Free card. If you have to ask her out, good luck. I can't help you. My only suggestion… Be yourself. Skip the cocky male routine. If she is going to be remotely interested in you, she needs to know the REAL you. If you have the personality of gnat, please refer to "Personalities For Dummies".

Reservations, Haircuts and Clothes, Oh My! Reservations, haircuts and Clothes, Oh My!

So you've got a date. What's next…? Well typically a date entails some sort of activity, and remember you are trying to stimulate conversation. Get to know each other. Pick an activity where you can talk. I think Communication is the most important thing in any relationship. Others will disagree, and I don't care. Without communication you have two people, who may be attracted to each other. Either boredom or sex entails, both not good foundations for a relationship. Talk and get to know her. Find out about her.

My Experience: I made the mistake of drinking Red Wine. Red Wine goes straight to my head. I've led a twisted life with many, many turns and corners. Giving a run down on your life story while inebriated may not be the best thing for you (and for gods sake don't tell her about any legal implications you may have faced…!). Luckily my date was very patient…

Oops! Need to take a step back to the day preceding the date.

Preparation (as based on my Date):

1. Pick a restaurant. If you are socially inept (like me) contract this task out to your friends, someone is bound to have a good suggestion. Make reservations. You'll look like schmuck if you can't get in.
2. Clean Your Car, Moped, or Skateboard. I had not actually cleaned my car in months, and piles of MacDonald's bags, and various other fast food consumables were littered about. It took me FOUR HOURS in total- Yes Two Hours, to clean the inside of my car. This may seem like along time, but I did the Complete Meal Deal, (wipe and wash every available surface, vacuum, deodorize.) It took Additional 2 hours to clean the outside; this included 4 Separate car washes. Several shammy buffs, bottle of Windex and 4 rolls of paper towel. Believe me, you meet the right woman, 4 hours is nothing.

3. Clean Yourself Up! Ok so you've been locked up in your office for the past year. Nobody wants to date a Neanderthal. Shower, shave, preen, prune, pluck and groom. This should be self explanatory, if not please refer to "Personal Hygiene For Dummies"

4. Pick Clothes. This is all dependent on your lifestyle and the stature of the restaurant you will be attending, walking into Chez Henri wearing a ten-dollar Hawaiian shirt and Bermuda shorts may portray a wrong impression. Yet dress comfortably.

5. BUY Her Flowers. I am a true romantic at heart,and nothing says "I'm ecstatic to be here" like a bouquet of flowers. I was fortunate enough to discover her favorite flora ahead of time.

6. Mental Preparation. Remember no matter how confident you feel, take some time to yourself. Picture how you want the date to go, envision it. It sounds corny, but come on; we are all dreamers' right?


Honestly, this advice is useless. If she is going to like you, she is going to like you for who you are. That's it, there is nothing more to it. But make sure you spend enough time talking to discover if you are attracted to her as well. So often we as males are blinded by beauty that we never look deep enough to find who she really is. This will take time. You can't rush it.

Summary Of My Date: Perfect. Dinner was fantastic, The Conversation was fantastic. She was fantastic. I can't wait to see how our relationship will develop.

Conclusion: I have no clue, just take it day by day.