Why Trying Should Count

Below is an email I received from a girl 25 - 32 years old. we bitched at each other back and forth - all emails are unedited.

Decide for yourself...

HER EMAIL: After reading a few articles on your site, I find your insight to be direct and very honest. I have questions of my own about some of the dating tips you are suggesting work.

I know times have changed but, it seems nearly impossible to find really great guys. Women are acting like whores nowadays and not allowing men to even try and impress them. They have their legs spread before they've been taking out to dinner?! I don't get it. Anyways, my point and question is...are men not trying anymore because it is just too easy to score?

I went out with one of my friends the other night. We were approached a few times and two guys actually spent a good 2 hrs. talking with us until it was time to go. These assholes never offered to buy us drinks and one of them had the nerve to slide his card over to me and says, "Call me." Needless to say, his number is now circulating in a land fill. So, I ask you once more...."Why are guys not trying anymore?"

Confused and Conflicted.


SM'S RESPONSE: ...

"Why are guys not trying anymore?"

He spent 2 hours talking to you.. how is that not trying? Or is it simply because he didn't buy you a drink that pisses you off?! He gave you his card - he didn't make a move, he didn't creep you out (or at least you didn't mention it) and at the end he simply asked you to call him...

yikes and you're saying guys are screwed up?! what am i missing here Jen... had he bought you a drink would you then have called him? If 'yes' is your answer then you're the reason guys don't try. You expect us to shell out our hard earned cash before we can even think of asking you to call?

Why are you calling them assholes? Right after you said, 'two guys actually spent a good 2 hrs. talking with us until it was time to go.'

you then say, 'These assholes never offered to buy us drinks and one of them had the nerve to slide his card over to me'

What makes you say 'he has the nerve' from what I'm understanding by your email, you're only pissed because he asked you to call him without ever having bought you a drink.. so again I ask... why?

You don't have to answer that - it appears that you expect guys to buy you things before they can even talk to you.. or ask you out.. and you're asking me why guys have stopped trying?


Her Response: I don't know I guess guys are different nowadays. I think talking for 2hrs. and not offering to buy a girl a drink is rude. I guess when you are in college you can't really afford it....but these guys were young professionals(recruiters) with homes! Money shouldn't be an issue. And if he liked me so much then he would have tried to impress me. Why is it so much to ask that a guy dote on me and make me feel important??? It's not.

My opinion is you like a girl.....START DATING HERE IMMEDIATELY! That means approaching her and saying something like, "Hey, how are you? Are you having a good time? Nice to meet you. Can I get you something to drink?"(20 min. later or so......"Really nice meeting you, can I get your number? Would you like to go out to dinner?" VERY SIMPLE.

Why are guys not getting it? You said 'hard earned cash'...how do you think I feel about my money? I'm not looking to break the bank...I'm talking about a f**king cocktail.

A guy that doesn't offer to do something for you or gives you his number means:

A) I read some really bad dating tips from a moron on how to be smooth and it didn't work.

B) I don't have any class.

C) MOST IMPORTANT....."I'll be screening my calls, so if I decide I still like you....I'll give you a call." I'm sorry but, F**K THAT!

Guys are the Hunters and should act accordingly. Women shouldn't have to do all the work. It isn't fair. There is no chilvary left to speak of. Girls are acting easy now and guys are there for the taking. I thought after college and once in the "Real World" which is not easy, guys with a job would finally get it. Let me know what you think about this. I'm interested in hearing your opinion. Thanks for getting back to me.


SM's RESPONSE: tune into Lykis 101

(tom lykis) sorry jen, you're on your own with this one. a guy shouldn't have to buy you anything to 'impress' you. AND if that's the only way a guy CAN impress you, then you deserve being rotten, miserable and alone.

So - let's say he buys you a drink.. he's setting a precedence.. so now the next time he's gotta treat you to a movie.. do you know i just went to a movie and dinner with a girl last week - 75$!!!!!!! that's a nice bag of weed.. but instead i got a lousy plate of spaghetti and meatballs...

anyway the point is, we're dammed if we do, damned if we don't. If we offer to buy you a drink, you may be offended.. 'i can buy my own drinks' if we try to open a door for you.. 'i can open my own door' - here's the thing - women and your liberation movement have totally phucked it all up for you... we have no idea anymore what to do - buy you drinks and insult your independence... don't buy you drinks and risk having your phone calls screened.

do you get it now?


HER RESPONSE: Oh, I get it now. You are just a kid in college aren't you? I dated a guy like you once...pot was always more important.

He's 31yrs. old works as a manager for the Four Seasons. drives an Audi (car costs $550 amonth), lives in an apt. that cost $640.00 a month, he maybe makes 1600 a month...but get this....HE IS IN DEBT UP TO HIS EYEBALLS. He's been smoking since he was 14 yrs. old!!!!!!!!!!! He will never get himself out of the hole he is in. He lives in a fantasy world of travel, high-rolling, and rubbing elbows with the elite but really, he's just a big fat MOOCHER.

All I can say is, don't end up like him when you still have a chance. Don't be that guy who takes his girlfiriend out to eat at Subway, when you get to the register suggests you share a bag of chips and a drink!!!!! Then, he gets reprimanded by the clerk behind the counter," You don't treat her very well do you?"

And just so you know this is after I changed coasts, gave up my job, and gave him all that I had for money and then some. So, you want to know how to treat a girl? Get your f**king mouth off the bong, get a job so you have money to take care of YOURSELF, and then taking a girl out won't feel like such a chore. $75 is always a big deal to a loser who can't take care of himself. Just ask my ex :) Good luck.


SM's RESPONSE: Given your bullshit assumption about me 'being a college kid' could you blame any guy for putting, pot before you. At first I was thinking, you know maybe this girl is right, maybe it was rude for the guy not to buy you a drink.. I mean if I were chatting with someone, regardless of sex, for 2 hours I would most certainly offer to buy a drink. It's a polite social gesture...

But now.. you've gone ahead and shown what a bitch you really are. So you read a few stories written on SM, you assume they were written by me.. then you go ahead and insult every kid in college. I have a few ideas as to why he didn't buy you a drink.. because you don't deserve one. I could just imagine what your conversational skills are like. "So, what kind of job do you have..." "What kind of car do you drive..." You belong in Los Angeles.

Sure it was wrong of the guy not to buy you a drink - but it's absolutely disgusting that you decided not to answer his calls solely based on that. If that's your criteria for liking a guy, you deserve to be single and when you do find the right guy who buys you nice things.. then you'll deserve to be treated like the bitch you are.

You've managed to piss on almost every social group in this country... what the phuck is wrong with taking a date to Subway... what if two people meet - and they happen to live below poverty... and all they can afford is Subway... it makes no phucking difference where you take your date - if the 2 are in love, it makes no difference...

But here again, you have shown what is really important to you, money. Good for you. You've been raised well. A good bitchy American woman. You won't cook, you complain all the time... and you attribute a person's happiness by their wallet. How's that for assumptions.


Her Response: From the very start, your tone has been nothing but angry. I'm mad that your responses have been overly aggressive and not very diverse. You think you have all the answers and I have experienced based on what I've said. Beloning in Los Angeles is not the answer. I like planet earth a lot better. Guys who do drugs like yourself, never have a clear perspective. I'm sorry I wasted my time.


SM FINAL RESPONSE:  again, more lies from you - my first email, in response to your question, had nothing to do with anger. I was merely trying to get some information from you - mainly, why would you call someone an 'asshole' because he didn't buy you a drink...

Is that not being an angry person? You see, you accuse me of 'knowing all the answers' which of course I do, but that's not the point... yet, you are the one so quick to call someone an asshole simply because he didn't buy you a drink... who's the angry one? WHO DAMNIT!!! WHO!!!

Planet earth is indeed a lot better - but on planet earth, there are guys who actually don't have the social skills to know it's proper to buy a woman a drink... and also, on this great planet of ours, there are people like you - who call the less astute, 'assholes' for not being properly raised....

Don't be sorry for wasting your time - given your advanced knowledge of argumentative skills, and your unwillingness to put up with 'assholes' you'll be wasting a lot more of your time over the next 35 years... so get used to it.