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It’s no secret that we love a nice rack and crave a hard ass. But, before we can even get to thinking about those lovely milk pillows, you have to figure out her status.

Of course by status we mean, is she married? After having a quick perv at her body, we focus our attention on her left wedding finger. Is she wearing a ring?

If she’s wearing a ring, is it a huge rock? If it is, there is no way in hell your broke ass is ever gonna get a piece; unless you’re her pool boy, she’s a drunk and you’re trapped in a bad (or in this case a good) Hollywood movie. I digress.

Now looking at her finger gets a little tricky if you happen to be checking her out at the gym. With all the mirrors, angles and barbells in the way, sometimes it’s hard to figure out if you’re looking at her wedding finger or not. What worse is, when you are checking her out from your car's rear view mirror, you gotta kind of twist your body to make sure you’re looking at the correct hand…

Not that her wedding ring would ever stop you from making an ass of yourself, but at least you can gage how badly you are about to be rejected by the quality of ring she’s wearing.

So I am left to wonder, if women need to go through the same thing, probably not. Ring or no ring, they’ll get you around the collar every time.

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