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During my weekly search of the web and all it's wonderful glory, I came across "a dating tips" site that rivals all. It's a wonder why men still can't understand women after reading such great advice...

Yes, I'm being sarcastic.

The site boasts everything from, "pick up lines" to "understanding body language" to, "how to dress for a date"

Now I understand it's a big world out there and there are many different ways to go about "scoring" the babe of your dreams.. but some tips should just be left alone... for example, The Player suggests:

Players Advice - #1 SMILE. Remember to smile constantly, while your talking, while your observing, while your doing just about anything...

This single rule alone can improve your success with women by over 100%, use it wisely.

Monkey's Advice: The operant word here is, "wisely." Don't smile all the time. You'll look like a freaking perverted creep. People who smile all the time are hiding something. They are hiding their lack of intelligence. Most of us aren't wise - so when you tell someone to "smile constantly" that's exactly what they are going to do... Even as she goes on about her mom's Leukemia,.. there you are smiling like a jack ass.

Players Advice #2 - While kicking game to woman, constantly repeat her name...

Monkey's Advice: Are you trying to attract 10 year olds? The word, "kicking game" and "woman" simply don't belong in the same sentence unless you are playing basketball with her...

Work on your language. Your crooked ball cap and your "yo - yo let's kick some game" vernacular belongs with school yard punks and children. Lose the illiterate speech and try impressing her with annunciation..

Because right now Norman, all you're doing is smiling and repeating her name... creepy? N-ah!!

Players Advice - #3  Always wear cologne Always have a few different colognes, I recommend at least 2-3 which you rotate often. You will become more attractive to women that you are around often because they will not be able to predict what you will be smelling like..Predictable is boring.

Monkey's Advice: Yes, predictability is boring but it's a hell of a lot better than knocking her to the ground with your vapor trails.

Try soap. Lever, Dove, Ivory... Coast.. Irish Spring.. wash yourself. Washing often helps and prevents you from having to mask your natural pheromones with Armani, Polo or Drakkar Noir (remember that one) and the more popular Azzaro...

The problem with cologne is, most people don't know how to apply it. They drench themselves with it until THEY can smell it. BIG TIP: You don't have to be able smell it on yourself for other people to get a whiff... In fact, if you can smell your own cologne you have used too much.

Stick with one cologne. Predictability and colognes have nothing to do with each other. You want your woman to recognize you by a smell.. if you keep changing them up on her, she won't know if she's talking with billy, bob, or fred... Stick with one smell and make it your signature. If you rotate them around, chances are you'll smell the same as her date from last night.. Avoid confusion, stick to one smell.

Sure women hate predictability but they love comfort. One in the same? They don't have to be. She can feel safe and secure with her man.. without being bored. A familiar smell can comfort her... or make her puke.. depending on the memories the odor illicit's.

So just make sure you've got a barf bag ready when you show up wearing a shirt that smells like yesterday's Calvin Klein, a hat that smells like Armani and a neck that stinks of Egoiste.

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