Shock, I know.  For those 4 or 5 of you that have been reading the site over the last year, may already know that I'm a moron.  And for those of you new to the site, well, now you know too.

Most recently, I realized that I really love the girl I've been dating for a year.  I mean, I honestly know that I will never find a better woman to love and take care of me.  However, at the beginning, I wasn't too sure.  Because of the painful breakup I had with the girl I was dating before, I never thought I'd be able to shake it off and open my eyes to the love standing right in front of me. Yeah, yeah...cheesy, I know. 

I finally gave up all the thoughts and heart felt connections that I had with my ex.  How did I do this?  I thought about all the bullshit I put up with while dating her.  She cheated on me, she cancelled dates at the last minute...you name it.  So why now do I still think about her?  Because as the title reads, I'm a phucking idiot. 

I'm sure it has something to do with not having had the upper hand.  I mean here's a girl that clearly didn't treat me well, but like a phucking dog.. I kept wanting more.  In fact, during our tumultuous relationship we broke up for a few months.  She started dating this guy - but told me to call her in 2 months when he leaves for the Peace Corps.  Can you believe it?  What's worse is, I did.. I waited and pretty much the day after he left, she  called me and we started hanging out again... until she tired of me and dumped me a few months later. 

It's been over a year since she dumped me and every now and then, I get this urge to reach out to her.  So what did I do?  Something I swore I never would, I looked her up on Facebook and sent her a message.  Hopefully she's a bigger man than me and won't respond.  I mean where could it go?  We send each other a few emails...what?  I don't want to know if she's happy, or if she's dating someone...in other words, there was no point in sending her a message, because I don't want her to reply. 

I certainly could never trust this woman again and I would never jeopardize my current relationship over her, so then why did I send her a message?  Why can't I forget all about her and just be happy for having met her?  Because she crushed me and I want her to regret it forever. 

So the best way to do that is to continue on with my current relationship and just be happy.  As they say, the best revenge is living well.  I'm only grateful that I didn't do anything stupid like breakup with my current girlfriend because I thought I was still in love with my ex.