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The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

Filed under movie reviews

Well to quote my buddy who saw the movie with me, "Shamelessly Stupid". Now, I don't remember the other 2 movies being quite so shite, but after seeing this one, safe to say the other 2 deserve an Oscar

The Dark Knight

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This is certainly one for the books as far as its genre goes, so SEE IT. That being said, there are weaknesses too that no one seems to be pointing out. Overall, the film is a success, and will likely change some jerkoff

Wanted

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I went to this movie expecting to walk out within the first 30 minutes but surprisingly, I stayed and actually kinda enjoyed it. The premise - a guild of assassins formed 1000 years ago continue their tradition of

The Incredible Hulk

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You're stuck with me again, for another attempt at a movie review - sorry, Dr. Tom will be back soon, we hope. So I'm not really sure why they remade this movie. I don't remember much of the first one, with

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

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Sorry kids, I like Indy too. In fact, I grew up with Indy and love those damn movies, but that makes me sound like some bitter fanboy, and I honestly wasn't expecting much here. I've seen what Hollywood does to

Leatherheads Review

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Don't be fooled by the billboard. This is a movie meant for elderly Caucasians who are tired of violence and cussing in movies, and it sucks anyway. Director George Clooney has proven he can direct with

Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins

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After "Black Knight," I could've sworn that Martin Lawrence's only purpose on this planet was to keep the n-word alive, but I'm happily mistaken. Past is the day of the token goofy black guy showing geeky

Cloverfield

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Watching this, one can almost imagine what a pain in the ass this movie had to have been to make - "Godzilla" from a handycam's view. It's just too bad they forgot to hire a writer and actors. See, now that

Juno

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Due to some self-aware style, I was tainted from the getgo by the hype this one has gotten for the first thirty-or-so minutes, but it ended up actually delivering after all. Again, the first near-half of

Atonement

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Well, it's here -- this year's Oscar-begging piece of "good" crap about attractive people with English accents who fall in "love" and get "torn apart by war" has been

Sweeney Todd

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For those of you who hate musicals, see this one anyway. It's not a play, it's a movie, and anyone who's a fan of the play will hopefully get that out of this too. Johnny Depp, as usual, doesn't "play" but

Charlie Wilson's War

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Not something that HAS to be seen on the big screen, but this isn't the Hollywood piece of shit it looks like on the preview. Headed by a remarkable Tom Hanks, right at home in the role of Congressman Charlie

Strength And Honor

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Ya just gotta love Michael Madsen -- he's America's onscreen tough guy. And you gotta love Vinnie Jones, 'cause he's England's (or, in this case, for both of them, Ireland's). But no one says you gotta love Mark Mahon, the

No Country For Old Men

Filed under movie reviews

Whoah. This isn't one to miss. Granted, it ain't a date movie (unless you've been dating this person a while), but what a damn movie. The Coen Brothers have already made a name for themselves, but this sure is one for

Beowulf Movie Review

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There's no way I can talk you out of seeing "Beowulf," it's "Beowulf," and you've seen the preview and already made up your mind. But let's just say that if you don't plan on seeing it in 3D, it can

Gone Baby Gone

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Well, it's official -- Ben Affleck is a director, not an actor. Oops. Turns out Casey's the actor. At least they figured this out in time to make a good movie. Not gonna lie, I've already forgotten the names of every

Talk To Me

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Don Cheadle portrays Ralph Waldo "Petey" Greene, the DJ of the late 60's who declared himself (and may have been right) too black for the day's America. An ex-con who conned his way out of prison, he came to

American Gangster

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It was Denzel who made a big fuss to the producers that he didn't care to glorify Frank Lucas, the real-life heroin dealer he portrays here. Somebody's big fuss got ignored. Big time. "American

Elizabeth: The Golden Turkey (Oops, "AGE")

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You guys probably weren't gonna see this one anyway, but here's a review to reaffirm that you had the right idea. This thing starts with the vibe of a pissed-off, low budget sequel to "Gladiator" with its

The Darjeeling Limited (LIMITED, is the key word)

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Looks like Wes Anderson has become the M. Night Shyamalan of hipster movies, because instead of trying something new (besides adding sea creatures or having one take place in India), he's chosen to stick with the

Into The Wild

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9 years ago, they were gonna do this flick with Leo as the lead and Marlon "The Fatass Who Was Too Good to Care" Brando as the old man. Thank whatever is holy that didn't pan out. Emile Hirsch is easily the best

ZOO - A Documentary About the Guy Who Bled to Death Getting Phucked By a Horse

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I saw a new DVD cover on the front shelf of my local video shop -- a cover with a horse's face, and in the reflection of its eye was a naked dude. Naturally, this was the creepiest image within plain view (other than the

The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford

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This is about the most brilliantly original thing on film I've seen all year, BUT MAKE NO MISTAKE, this is a movie strictly for movie people. The rest of you may want something more quickly-paced to go with your popcorn,

Eastern Promises

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A movie about a dead 14-year-old prostitute's diary leading a commonplace nurse to the Russian mob isn't likely meant to be snappy or fun, but at least this one stays true to form. Naomi Watts (the nurse, doctor,

3:10 To Yuma

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Russel Crowe and Christian Bale are badasses, maybe the two biggest badasses in American film today (sorry Sam Jackson, I know you had hopes), so it's not surprising that a Western with both of them in it delivers.