When I was a kid, my mom would take me shopping. I would run around the clothing section and hide under those round clothes racks…something tells me, her kid enjoys doing the same thing. In fact, I’m pretty sure he’s hiding under her dress. Do you remember when she used to be hot about 10 years ago… when she was hungry for fame. Safe to say, she isn’t hungry anymore… Why should she be. She’s seemingly eaten enough for 10 years.
Tag: Christina Aguilera
I plan on doing a whole lot of nothing this weekend. It won’t happen, but it’s fun to plan. To pretend. I think I agreed to go to IKEA tomorrow. I was high when I agreed to it. Funny what a bowl and a bag of chips can do to a grown man. IKEA on a Saturday. Does it get nastier? Why yes it does… here’s what Krusty the Clown had to say on E!
“I don’t like to wear underwear,” Xtina said. “I like to be as free as possible at all times. It’s just who I am … It’s empowering. It’s pussy power!”
I was sick with the flu for the last few days… thanks for all the emails asking where the f8ck I went. I’m kidding. Not one email. Actually, that’s not true. I got an email from my mom telling me I was adopted. Ouch. Anyway, I’m back from the living dead, which anyone who has had the flu can attest, is a pretty good metaphor. It is a methapor right? I was only ever good at using similes which helps if you life in the Valley. Like totally. Blah Blah…Christina Aguilera at the George McGovern Leadership Award Ceremony yesterday in Washington, D.C.
I mean being mentally ill is the ONLY reason Christina Aguilera would wear something like short sequence shorts. Or maybe she can’t read. Maybe she doesn’t own a mirror. So yeah, I guess there could be other explanations for it. I just wish her boyfriend would grow a pair and tell her how disgusting she looks… but he knows who pays the bills, so she can pretty much get away with wearing anything. I’m betting half their viewership comes from people just curious to see what thsi b8tch is gonna wear next. It’s like a sideshow… or rather, a freak show.
What’s that disease where you refuse to see yourself as you truly are? Anyway, COPS came to my place on Saturday night. I know, right?! I’m such a nice guy, who would possible call the cops on me. Oh that’s right, my psycho neighbor.
Saturday evening I took my dogs out for their nightly walk. Up the street I see my bundled up, busy body neighbor. She’s always yapping on the phone, shoulder pressed up to her cheek, whilst trying to control her 3 yappy chihuahuas who are running rampant on a retractable leash. I continue to walk in her direction figuring she’ll do at least something about her dogs. She knows full well they are out of control, but still does nothing about it. Sure enough, she does nothing, and sure enough her dogs coming running right for us, one of them tangling itself behind me. I tell her to control her ‘effing dogs. She LOSES it. I mean, her phone drops away from her fat cheek and hit the floor, expletives fly from her mouth about what an a-hole I am… 30 minutes later, COPS show up at my door. The LA f*cing PD.
I make sure to stash everything and I go outside to talk with them. According to psycho neighbor, I did more than tell her to control her effing dogs,… according to the po po, I called her all sorts of names and even kicked her dog. She can’t control her dogs, I call her on it and suddenly cops are at my door telling me I kicked her dog. After explaining myself for about 10 minutes, they took my name and left. So when you read about a man getting stabbed or mugged in LA… just remember, the cops are too busy over at my place asking why I swore at my neighbor.
I can’t even begin to tell you how wrong that is on so many levels. Just like Christina’s dress. If anyone should have the cops at their door…
So this is the look you were going for? You’re telling me she looked in the mirror, looked left, looked right and said, “yup, perfect” ? Maybe her kid dressed her and did her make-up?! Anyway, I just want to know why she insists on torturing those poor spandex pants. I mean, look at them, crying out for help, barely hanging on by a thread. I’m betting they’re the same pair as here and here in fact, I’m pretty sure she just keeps them on. No telling what might happen if she actually tried to take them off. We’ve already had one close asteroid call this week…