I consider myself a romantic and when i get see someone i like that starts to talk to me i rush in or come off a little strong. well i just met this girl who is a year older, sophomore in college and i am a freshmen, and on the first contact or hang out we cuddled and i was kissing her neck to test her and she turned and kissed me for a few minutes. the next day she was distant but kissed me again, im not a play hard to get kinda guy. the next night we talk for hours and she tries to scare me off with her defense because she says she is afraid of trusting others and she says she is having trouble trying to figure out who she is. i then thought she is pushing me away but she said she isnt but wants to take it slow. i like her and will take it slow if she wants me to but i am afraid of waiting for something that will never come. confusing eh. thanks for listening
SM: Thanx for your email. First off, it’s wonderful that you can call yourself a romantic – because it’s the first step in admitting you’re a pussy. Being a romantic is great in movies and in books, but in reality, it’ll leave you crushed.
She’s afraid of trusting others… and all that other stuff is crap. It’s just a squeamish way of trying to get rid of you – or to get you to slow the phuck down. It falls under the, “It’s not you, it’s me…” excuse. I was the exact same way as you. I’d come off way strong – either 2 things happen – you scare them off, or when you get them you don’t want them after a week or so. It’s anti-climactic. It never works out – if it does, it’s temporary. If it weren’t, you wouldn’t be single now.
So basically you have to stop thinking about it and keep on living your daily life and routine. Talk to other girls, and put her out of your mind. I’m not saying to be an ass or display any other reckless behavior here, i’m just saying, the only thing to do is – stop. Stop being the first one to call her. if she wants to talk to you, she’ll call. if she wants to text, she’ll text.
Try this, don’t talk to her for a few days (they’ll seem like very long days) but stay strong, don’t talk to her. If she sees you and comes up to you, be nice, but let her do the offering. Let her ask you the questions etc. Because if it doesn’t work out, (and eventually it won’t – unless she happens to be the woman you marry) you can at least leave with your pride. Example: I went out with this girl 2 weeks ago – hung out for a couple of hours – said ‘goodnight’ with a peck on the cheek – she’s a big executive, working 15 hours a day – and she travels a lot – we were going to see each other this week – until she sends me a text telling me that we’ll only be able to hook up after thanksgiving – all i can do is respond to her email with a, ‘cool, let me know when you get back and we’ll try to get together then.’
Believe me, I’m trying not to call her or send her some stupid ‘cutsie’ email. I have to simply be cool. When she gets back, she’ll call or email me – if she doesn’t, she doesn’t… what can i possibly do? I’d maybe send her one more email and if she didn’t respond, that’s it. Even sending her that ‘one extra’ email is stupid – but it’s a lot better than what I used to do… We just want what we can’t have. So don’t ‘wait’ for her. If something else comes along, take it. Again, don’t be an ass – but let her initiate the next move. If she doesn’t, then walk on. Hope this helps.
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