Here’s another question I got from a reader the other day…
I have always found my problem to be that I totally freeze up around girls from a conversational aspect. Whenever I am alone with a girl that I’m interested in I’m unable to think of anything to say and I get this terrible tugging from my chest that feels like I’m going to have a panic attack. I’m not afraid of failure so I’ve hung out with a few different girls but I always freeze up like this. Do you have any tips on good things to say to start conversations or questions i can ask that will encourage her to talk. I also feel that they detect my anxiety and it seems to kill the mood. Any help would be great. thanks.
Thanx for your email. First thing you have to do is control these said ‘panic attacks’. You’re right, a girl can smell it a mile away and you’ve lost before you started. Picture her taking a dump, or picking her nose… they all do it, in fact chicks can be even more disgusting than guys, so focus on that. Unless she’s peeing on litmus paper, no woman is worth a panic attack. Never be intimidated by a woman, unless you have a rubber gag ball shoved in your mouth and you just dropped a grand on rubber suits and oxygen masks.
The most successful salesmen, are the ones that know how to qualify their leads. They don’t waste hours and hours on someone who isn’t going to buy what they’re selling, they get in, feel it out then make an educated move. You should know within seconds if ‘she’ is receptive to you or not. But keep in mind, some people simply don’t talk, they have nothing to say, or they are just stupid – it does happen.
An example of ‘weeding’ them out: A few weeks ago I was out with my ballsy little british neighbor, we see some hot chicks and decide to talk with them. One of them asked me what I was drinking. (It was Vodka and Cranberry) so I said, “I have a urinary tract infection so i’m drinking cranberry juice.” She began to laugh. So right there I knew that she would at the very least not find my creepy or disgusting. (which of course I am)
Get an idea of who they are right away. If she doesn’t get you, she doesn’t get you, there’s nothing you can do. Except annoy her. But let’s say you have indeed found your guinea pig – you approach her.. try to approach when they are in a group. It’s always easier to perform in front of 2 or 3 girls, than just 1. With 2 or 3, you can break up the awkwardness and you can always find something to say when there’s 3.. if you can’t… I sure as phuck can’t help you…
People like to talk about themselves. Let’s say you’ve seen her in school, or working at the mall… ask her about it. “So how do you like working at the candy shop?” mmm… candy… Or if she’s wearing a tshirt from a band or whatever, ask her what her favorite album is. There’s nothing wrong with simple conversation at first, to break the ice, but then let your personality shine, unless your personality is 2 shades from Ted Bundy, then stick with the small talk.
Ruffies are always good. Totally illegal and I don’t recommend them.. but guaranteed they’ll listen to you all night. (i’m joking, see above ‘creepy and disgusting’) Conversation is easy, learning how to, is the difficult part. If you fancy yourself an interesting guy, then drop this panic crap and get in there man, time’s a wasting. Ask her interesting things, but nothing too forward, stay away from any and all sex talk, unless she initiates it. Just pump her full of questions and she’ll ramble all night but then you’ll never get her to shut up.. so careful what you wish for. Hope this helps.
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